What Causes Suffering? And How to Get Rid of It.
Imagine being are at work and immersed in your task when suddenly a co-worker passes by and their perfume reminds you of an ex you had an ugly breakup with. Next thing you know your mind pops out a thought reminding you how they were cheating behind your back and how it all went down once the truths were revealed. Or maybe you’re at a coffee shop and when you see that lady having a great time with her son, you are reminded how you never get those times anymore because of those differences that were never sorted out. Or maybe you’ve just lost a job, a relationship, a friend, or anything that matters to you.
All of us have experienced some kind of loss or rather multiple losses during the course of our lives however long we have lived. These losses are an inevitable and integral part of our lives. They made us who we are today. But however, they may have shaped our lives and personalities, they do leave some impressions and scars along the way. We were dumped in a relationship and now we have an unruly idea that roams free in our head that we are not worthy and everyone is going to do us dirty. We lost a job and we are left questioning our importance and worth in the world. “You were not good enough.” , “You are not skilled enough.”, “My guy, you’re worthless.” the mind keeps producing one thought after another until our heads are a hot stew, ready to blow some steam.
The keyword here is mind. It is the mind that is producing one thought after another. It is the mind that is telling you how worthless you are and how you do not measure up. And once you are caught up in these thought loops, there is suffering. Following this line of argument, we can say the root of suffering is not the event that happened to us in the past or what bad we anticipate may befall us in our futures but our own memories of the past and imaginations and expectations for the future.
That ex that cheated on you, the job that you lost, that loving parent who died, that upcoming interview for your dream job, that date with your crush next week — all these situations and many more that I am pretty sure you can think of isn't happening at this moment.
Gaber Mate, the Canadian-Hungarian Physician, and author of multiple bestsellers said and I paraphrase, “All human suffering arises when we mistake past or future for the present.”
If we can learn to root ourselves in the present moment and learn to put a little distance between our minds and ourselves and not take those thoughts and emotions at their face value, they suddenly lose a lot of power over us.
But how do we do this?
“The mind is restless, Krishna, impeteous, self-willed, hard to train : to master the mind seems as difficult as to master the mighty winds.”
- Arjuna, The Bhagawad GIta
Here are a few actionable steps.
Journaling
There is something about this practice that just relieves the mind of its worries. Just pick up a journal and let your thoughts flow through your pen onto that paper. Just free flow, be without judgment, write whatever comes to your mind. It instantly relieves you of your anxieties and worries and if you do it right, it has the same effect as that of confiding in a trusted friend.
I have personally noticed that for some reason it is better to have lines over lines and doodles of your anxieties on a piece of paper rather than in your head. It enables you to analyze what that voice in your head says from a third-person perspective when you re-read it to yourself. You no longer identify with these thoughts and emotions as much and with consistency in this practice you become aware of your blindspots and maybe even your deepest held believes that you may be unaware of.
With this simple practice, we can ground ourselves in the present moment and with time put a distance between our minds and ourselves and thus alleviate some of this suffering.
Exercise
This is a no-brainer. Physical exercise releases endorphins in the body. These are what we call the feel-good chemicals. Ever had a hard day and went for a run or pumped some iron, eh? How did you feel after that? I suppose great. Or at least better than before. Imagine doing this every single day. You can easily extrapolate how the effects are going to add up over time.
Exercise gives you an opportunity to come out of your mind and into your body. That’s always a relief! Plus, the added benefit of seeing your body grow fitter, stronger, and in better shape can cause no harm!
Meditation
This right here is the OG of ending suffering and pain. Coupled with the other two techniques we have discussed above, this can do wonders for you.
“When meditation is mastered, the mind is unwavering like a lamp in a windless place.”
-Krishna, The Bhagavad Gita
Now, who wouldn’t want that? Meditation is a simple practice in which we just sit down and focus on our breathing - the rising and falling sensation in our chest and stomach. This basic technique called Mindfulness Meditation and is the most prevalent form of meditation as of now.
The ultimate goal of meditation is to learn the art of non-doing. Don’t confuse non-doing with not working or inaction. It is basically a state in which we are outcome-independent. Free from attachment to our desires. As per Buddha, desires in themselves are not bad but the attachment that we cultivate for to the objects of our desires, which is the root of all suffering.
When we sit in meditation and focus on our breath (this form of meditation is the easiest to start with), we are made aware of our thoughts. In meditation, we can learn to detach ourselves from our thoughts and get deeper insights into our current worldview.
Research has shown that consistent practice of meditation changes the wiring of the brain, curbing the activity of the amygdala, the fear center of the brain. You can find all the research and benefits with a quick google search.
Start with 3–5 minutes of practice per day and slowly work up to however much you want to. App recommendations: Headspace, Waking Up.
P.S: I am not a doctor or a medical health specialist. I am just a dude who knows what worked for him. Hope you walk away from this article with some action steps and tools in your belt.
Cheers!
